I think I am morally bankrupt
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
