just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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