I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
