So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
