Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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