Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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