I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
