He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
if only i could text you this smell
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
