I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
