I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
