Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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