you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
They took my balls.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
3 2 1 whiskey
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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