So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize