I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My dick has a subreddit
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
