There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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