All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
It's like God shit irony all over that family
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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