I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
