All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
