tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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