New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
