sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
