his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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