so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
