She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
