You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
