I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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