No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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