did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize