I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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