I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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