wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
