man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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