Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you didnt know i had herpes?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
