Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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