I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
