the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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