we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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