i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
