If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
