My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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