I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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