I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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