Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
