Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
