I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize