Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
