I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
