can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize