currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she peed on how many people?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
