So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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