I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i drank out of a bidet.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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