it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize