Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
