I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
