alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I stole a fireplace last night.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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