Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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