I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize