You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
