It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You are a genius and a whore.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize