I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize