My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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